Updated: Apr 26, 2020
To the naked eye, anything past the present moment may be filled with shame, guilt, fear, disappointment and even agony. The plain truth is that's all it is...the past. Too often we can't seem to get past it for whatever reason. Could it be due to the constant reminder we get on a daily basis that we are only as good as the last performance? It leaves me to ask, when did life become a stage show? When did growing up mean the fun had to stop? When did we forget it's okay to make mistakes? That we are going to trip and fall and all we have to do is simply get up, dust ourselves off and keep going. Life is simple yet we over complicate it.
A walking blunder, one of the hardest pills to swallow.
At one time or the other, this statement I wouldn't be able to embrace.
Living in a reality that expects me to be perfectly hollow.
A struggle to keep up with the Joneses
If I only I knew from inception to just be.
Let life take its natural course is the decree.
Aiming to belong but ultimately failing.
Feeling nothing but emptiness in a room filled with thousands
Ultimately having to return to the place where the hearts supposed to be.
But I digress and I am completely aware that I sound insane. I accept that. It’s a blessing, and it’s a curse. But mostly it’s a blessing. I would never want to feel the way the common man does. I would never want to be content with being a spoke in the wheel. They’ve always said that ignorance is bliss…Ignorance towards my true self is something I lived with for the longest time. Self-discovery means finding my purpose in life…it means digging deep into my childhood and revealing the experiences that have shaped me... both good and bad. Its effects include happiness, fulfillment, clarity and maybe even enlightenment! The journey I’ve learned thus far is far from easy. It includes fear, confusion, misunderstanding, doubt and literally re-visiting ALL my choices in life. Talk about a world wind…
Moving forward I have started to set intentions and no longer have expectations from others — okay... this one is really hard for me but it’s a work in progress— instead I have started to look within for answers. I’ve had SEVERAL setbacks along the way and I have no doubt I will have many more but, I’m not giving up. What I know for sure is that the journey is worth taking. I am slowly becoming calmer, more aware and more tolerant over time. I am learning how to pay attention to my feelings and understand myself better. Note to Self…Stop being your own worst enemy! Stop lying to yourself about your emotions and feelings and start accepting them and allowing yourself to feel whatever is it you feel. As you release and heal the past, you experience more love in your present moment. It's time to clear your energy.